With the happiness and joy you feel during your wedding and honeymoon, it can be so easy picturing spending the rest of your life with your partner. This is the time of optimism and fairytale goodness. Newlyweds just don’t need any marriage tips, right?
But the truth though is, marriage is not as easy as it seems. For me and my husband – personally – it was a lot harder in the beginning. Statistically, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce – although it’s not an even spread since those who divorce are more likely to divorce again bringing up the average from 1 in 4.
Still, the majority of couples who remain together until their old age put hard work into their marriage to make it last.
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So many young couples and newlyweds enter into marriages with a goal to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s common to mix that optimism with concern. If anything, this article should help you settle those concerns by injecting a little bit of reality into your newlywedded
With the right advice and genuine love for each other though, marriage can become incredibly delightful.
Although each relationship works differently, here are 10 common marriage advice which can help any marriage stand the test of time.
Have Practical Expectations
The moment until your wedding is often filled with dreams and fantasies. At that point, love is so intense, and you literally feel like you can conquer the entire world with your love.
While having dreams and fantasies can make your love more exciting, after your wedding or honeymoon, it is important to be more realistic in your approach towards your marriage and your life together.
Make practical plans and have practical goals for your marriage. When thinking of going for another honeymoon a month after your original honeymoon, keep in mind that you have to start saving up for your rent or that you need to get your car serviced.
Plan your daily schedules to accommodate your time together as well as other important activities such as work or school. For example, be practical in your financial spending and with time management.
“This IS Worth It”
I wish I could tell you that marriage is going to be flawless but there will be at least a few times that you would not believe the screaming coming out of yourself. It will be ugly. As a newlywed, you will have to imagine asking yourself, “is this all still worth it?”
For a moment of time, you will consider the possibility of divorce as a reality; even if it’s just a passing thought. Because whatever caused an argument this volatile has no real, easy solution. It could be a perpetual personality clash or a systematic change outside of both spouses control that can’t be reconciled.
One of you will need to fold, compromise and live with it after you decide, “Oh yes, to be married to you, it is absolutely worth this sacrifice. Because no one can understand me as close as you do.”
Don’t Sleep With Anger
This advice might seem easy enough to adhere to being newlyweds and all – you might not even have had arguments that lasted more than a few hours – and that is great!
But as time goes on, you and your partner may not see eye to eye on some issues that never occurred to you before as even issues. Sometimes it might be big fights that could extend to days. Either way, try to not go to bed angry at each other.
It is very important that at the early stage in your marriage you learn to talk through and settle any issues you have as soon as possible. Never carry on a grudge until the next day.
Being a newlywed you must understand that whatever habits you begin at the beginning of your relationship will follow you until the end. If you ensure every argument gets settled as soon as it arises. Get to the root of the issue, recognize patterns, then going on into your marriage, it’ll be easier to settle fights.
Don’t Give Your Family a Chance to Meddle
As a newlywed from a large family, you probably have a number of married siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins. The fact that you’re newly married might make these relatives see you as a novice and feel the need to meddle in your marital affair. While this might come from a good and caring place in their mind, do not give them the chance to meddle on everything.
Our own parents are more traditional and therefore give more traditional advice. Their advice may not always suit how my husband and I want to resolve the issue.
Don’t always let them tell you what to do in your marriage or how to treat your partner no matter how much experience they have.
Times change; times are different. People change; people are different.
Think about it, your family will likely and naturally take your side. They love you of course! And in response, they will have a tendency to villainzi your spouse.
Keep in mind that your partner is your closest priority now you are married. Your spouse should be your confidant and your best friends. Address any misunderstanding between your spouse and your family with care!
Always Make Each Other a P
After your honeymoon, when reality begins to seep in, remember to always ensure that your partner is priority enough in your life. They are not an accessory to your life, they should be a proactive partner through life.
It may sound easy but there is an endless number of things which will demand your time and effort. It could be work, school, children, extended family, a project, etc.
While meeting the demand of with these things, ensure that you do not neglect your partner. The fact that you are both married and promised to spend the rest of your life together does not mean that the effort ends. Attention and affection should always exist in your marriage to keep it strong and healthy.
Cheek kisses, hand holding, thigh rubbing in bed, and an occasional “I love you babe” remind your spouse that you are a romantic partner – not a roommate.
When making decisions always consider your partner. Ask yourself, “Will this move be too hard on my husband/wife? Will my partner be okay if I was away for this period of time?”
Failure to make your spouse a priority can lead to fights and disagreements in your marriage. Talking to your spouse before making decisions can also help them feel involved in your actions and be more understanding.
Even in a marriage, it is important to respect each other’s boundaries. The fact that you are married does not mean you always have to be in each other’s space or face all the time.
Figure out the activities your partner would rather carry out alone, the personal items your partner doesn’t want you touching, what time of the day they need some space to carry out individual activities and so on. When you find these out, try to give them space to do these things.
Do not feel bad when you find out your partner doesn’t want to spend every moment with you or share everything with you. When I married my husband, I developed a constant need for affection. He was a champ about it but I was not respecting hs space.
Also, find out what boundaries you would like to be respected in your marriage and let your partner know. These boundaries will make it much easier for you and your spouse to cohabit.
Respect Each O
Always respect your partner. Both in public and in private.
In public, be careful about the way you address them or the kind of things you say about them. It might seem harmless to you to bring up your husband’s habits in the midst of friends in a moment of fun, but your spouse might feel disrespected by the information shared.
Another way to respect your spouse, even in their absence is by defending them.
Don’t give anyone, not even your relatives, an open window to speak ill about them. Try to defend your partner in public and address them in private. This is one of the best forms of respect you can give your partner.
Be Productive T
Being productive with your partner is a great way to help your relationship grow. Don’t spend every moment you have together just watching a movie or Netflix binging.
While these activities can help you relax together and bond, you should also invest your free time being productive.
You can have discussions and come up with ideas of how to increase your finances; you can work together to renovate your home, you can volunteer together to help your community or take a new class together to further your careers.
Whatever you decide, it is important that as a couple you help each other grow both individually and collectively.
Create Time for Each Other
It is very important that you and your spouse always find time for each other.
Find time each day to show each other affection. If you and your partner are in a long distance marriage, ensure you squeeze out time to talk at least once a day to talk on the phone and keep up with your daily activities.
If you both stay together, catching a glimpse of each other daily is not enough. Make sure before you go to sleep each day, you get time to talk and show each other some affection. Plan date nights, create time during the weekend to stay indoors and take naps together or simply talk, go to the gym together or go grocery shopping together.
A little time spent together will go a long way to keep the love alive in your marriage and keep you together.
Adopt Good Financial Management
Studies have shown that couples who argue frequently about money are more likely to divorce than couples who have their finances under proper control.
In order to increase your chances of having a peaceful and long-lasting marriage, you need to manage your finances properly. Avoid overspending and running into debt by creating a realistic budget for your family. Inform each other of your financial capability in order to know how to plan your budget.
Keep a record of how money gets spent and make sure you discuss with each other before carrying out huge purchases. Also, be wary of relatives always asking for money or loans from you as it can easily lead to disagreements between you and your spouse.
Make Long-Term Goals
After your wedding, you and your partner will proceed to build your lives together. Make a number of goals, both short and long term goals with your partner.
Your long term goals can be to buy a house, a car, start up a business or own properties in other cities. These goals might take years of saving to achieve so the sooner you begin, the better.
With these kinds of goals 10 to 20 years after your marriage, you and your spouse would have achieved so much together and be living comfortably. Making long term goals can also help strengthen your marriage.